I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
