I'm eating all of the evidence.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
