Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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