after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
