all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
