A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Me too!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
