Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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