We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
