this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
