my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
