I'm so fucking centered right now
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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