I'm jealous of your bromance
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i've created a new STD.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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