shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
