so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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