youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
