I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
