nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
