How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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