wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
