i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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