My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
