If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
