Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
