It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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