...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
