I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
