Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
