ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's just like the Real World with babies
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
