The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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