He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
