Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
