He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
