I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
