I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
