I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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