I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
