she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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