Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
