mondays should just be called national damage control day
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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