wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
