judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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