I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
be right there i have to get my cape
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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