Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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