my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
