i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Every concussion has its silver lining
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
