I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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