Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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