foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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