I didn't shave. On purpose
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
