sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I love having hate sex.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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