i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
